A question that has been originally raised on Hello Beautifiul and BV referred to as the "Claim Game," which I suppose just seemingly strikes me that for some reason attempts always seem to be made to decompose and digest through relationships held in the public eye as if they are more valid to spark conceptual debate, in this case Ashanti and Nelly, rather than the everyday situations and struggles that counteract and often contradict the esteem and identify roles of men and women in relationships. Apparently Nelly went on air publicly denying ever being w/ her....and she charismatically agreed. Ok what's the problem? But I started thinking about what would make me not claim someone........so here are my thoughts, all 9 of them...
#1 - Its a fake Co-Sign - It's common sense that nobody really signs up to buy a house if they haven't taken a look at it and knows what inside yet. Claiming someone essentially means "I solemnly swear to...." and typically in todays world nobody really stands behind nothing that they aren't willing to represent for. Sorry boo boo!
#2 - "The Wake up Call" - Can't explain how many times this has happened. So I'm digging a chic and everything had been going just fine, even tried to begin to find myself in the situation until I wake up one night only to find that is has been snowing in May! So now here I am @ 3am looking in this chics hair and on my pillows looking at enough dandruff to empty out 2 vacuum cleaner bags. (LOL) Some things that you see or that occur just change the game altogether! Then there was this one chic that I tried crushing on one time that f#cked my head all up one day because out of nowhere while we were all standing around in a group, this chic just start drooling...(LMOA) yo! Needless to say I scratched her off the wifey list....
#3 - "Options Action" - 9 out of 10 women will probably assume, yes assume, that whenever we (men) do this it's only because we are trying to keep our options open. Well I guess it all depends on what kind of person you are. Personally if you can just walk away then theres really no need to keep options open so if you can't...... OK, but if you can - life is short, just go be with someone else. My thought is people caught in this world are on some Donnell Jones shit and don't really know where they wanna be yet, it happens! The only time I've ever felt this way is a) when I wished the person was more than what she was and I was trying to be patient yet getting discouraged and b) convenience - its a cold world I know!
#4 - Not all men nurture in the same way - for some people their intimacy and emotional expressions are more personal and private experiences. Maybe their could be some insecurities there, maybe not.
#5 - Hidden Obsessions - Maybe sometimes you are just into a person that no one would ever think you would be, and all for the right reasons I might add (maybe she's got crooked teeth or something) but nonetheless the curiosity is just so powerful sometimes that you can find yourself just having to go and see what thats about, and end up liking the person more than you ever thought you would. Ladies we typically call these "dolo missions" so if you ever find yourself out with someone and no one else knows where he's at but you - congratulations you are a "dolo mission." - Sorry boo!
#6 - Less distractions - At times from speaking on behalf of my relationships I would often come to the realization that I inadvertently began to create a stigmatization where now people seem to have thought that my emotional moments or interactivity amongst the opposite sex was an open discussion. Therefore not announcing anything gives you more control to navigate threw your personal and private experiences.
#7 - Unresolved Issues - For some men, at least who may have a little bit of ego, may find it to difficult or awkward to represent the other person simply because they feel as though it may present as false sense of security in regards to another aspect of their relationship that hasn't been fully resolved yet. And quite honestly some women actually feel ok with having a false sense of security. For example some women may feel like everything should be okay because you've told them that you care about them yet overlook the consequences of unresolved indifferences of something else which usually presents itself in the form of "well I thought because you said..." - I've seen it all before, trust me!
#8 - Identity Crisis - Quite honestly, sometimes it's kinda hard representing someone who doesn't hold the same values at you, yet you are physically, intellectually, etc connected. These may be things that primarily & directly de-conflict w/ your thoughts, values, and/or actions just as a person. This can be very common when peoples belief systems are different and these belief systems over powers their capacity to nurture a relationship.
#9 - Quite honestly which should probably been #1, some women are just stupid, have low self-esteem, or low self worth - Here, some women just feel like so long as they are getting attention from a man even if they do not agree with the terms then it's ok. Some people actually care more about the lack of companionship and pushing someone away rather than having their own sense of pride and respect for a situation. Young Jeezy voice: "Thats so sad" .Call it having a good heart if you want to but some people will just call it stupid.
There's a big difference between actually being in a relationship and just thinking you're in one.The End!
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